and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
