moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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