You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
