Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
