He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
