I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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