Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
