I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
