he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
