Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
