I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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