i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
