just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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