I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
