a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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