p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize