areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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