If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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