yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
