You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i dont even know how to be here
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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