Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Randomize
