Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
