You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
