you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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