peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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