Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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