I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
