dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
