I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
