i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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