i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
