I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
there's paper in my vomit.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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