It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
