wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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