How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
