My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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