Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
