Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
