Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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