How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
