I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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