chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
