i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize