Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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