Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
