Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
