well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I wish i was in the wii world.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
All the doctor said was why
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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