My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
