Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
