I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize