made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
