First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
