my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
