wrigley field is MILF paradise
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He better not be in your backpack
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Randomize
