ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
