I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
