She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
