went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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