we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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