I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
