he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
