I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize