my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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