Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
