i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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