Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
