just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
