Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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